A Better Sense of Self (love)
Ashley Tucci, owner of Aristelle, Lingerie Store
While hearts and chocolates have been shoved in our faces since December 26th, we aren’t focused on Valentine’s Day in this newsletter. We are focused on love, though, and since it’s top of mind this month, we want to take the time to lean into it more - not the $25.8 billion dollar holiday - but more the love for ourselves, the love that usually gets pushed aside. At our next event, we will discuss why women don’t often prioritize self-love and how we can make self-love practice a part of our everyday lives.
Key reasons why self-love matters:
Improved mental health:
Self-love helps combat negative self-talk, reducing stress, anxiety, and depression symptoms by promoting self-compassion and acceptance.
Enhanced confidence:
When you love yourself, you feel more confident in your abilities and decisions, leading to better self-belief and a more positive outlook.
Healthy relationships:
By valuing yourself, you set healthy boundaries in relationships, attracting more positive interactions and preventing unhealthy dynamics.
Better self-care:
Practicing self-love encourages taking care of your physical and emotional well-being through healthy habits like exercise, good nutrition, and relaxation techniques.
Personal growth:
Self-love empowers you to pursue your goals and passions without self-doubt, allowing for personal development and a more fulfilling life.
Resilience against challenges:
When you love yourself, you are better equipped to handle setbacks and overcome adversity with a more positive mindset.
Self-love can take many forms and evolve over one’s lifetime. It is not an inherent practice for women, and we often need to be reminded to prioritize it.
For our upcoming event, we are partnering with Ashley Tucci, owner of Aristelle. When we first met Ashley last summer, she beautifully articulated the importance of self-love and self-worth and how Aristelle's mission is more than just selling bras. Below, we chatted with Ashley about self-love and owning her own business.
Ashley, can you tell us why self-love is so important to you?
AT: Self-love is of great importance to me for two primary reasons. First, it is a journey I am on and will continue to be on as I navigate the twists and turns of my life. Every iteration of me requires a shift in how I see and serve my best and highest self. Second, it serves as the foundational pillar upon which I have built a business aimed at positively impacting the lives of women within my community. Through self-love, I have cultivated the capacity to give back to a population that is, in other areas, overlooked, overworked, and undervalued. This journey of self-love empowers me to lead and inspire and enables me to create a meaningful difference in the lives of those around me. Aristelle allows me to make a significant contribution to my community and to generations of women while having fun at the same time. Let's face it: I am not saving lives, but I am working toward enhancing lives, and, to me, that is just as powerful.
We know that before Aristelle, you worked in software and financial services sales. What inspired you to make the change?
AT: My story of business ownership is one I like to tell. It's a lesson in understanding the importance of patience, timing, and the messy side of life. What we ask the universe for won't always arrive wrapped in a pretty package with a cute bow. In fact, sometimes life forces your hand when the time is right instead. Let me be clear: I didn't actively choose this monumental pivot. But if I reflect back, it was the answer to a call I'd been putting out to the universe for many years. So, while I didn't intentionally choose to pivot, losing my job was the catalyst. Initially, I was devastated. I felt equal parts shame and fear. How would I care for my family, and what would my family, friends, and peers think of me? It is both a terrifying and humbling experience, but also one that can serve as the cracking open of a new door, a new opportunity if you have the courage to walk through it. It was an incredibly challenging chapter, but in the end, I viewed it as a chance to embark on a new journey of self-reinvention by pursuing a risk I had always longed to take: building something of my own and working for myself.
Aristelle is celebrating 10 years this month! Congrats! We know you took over the helm in 2019. Can you tell us some of the rewards and challenges of owning your own business?
AT: Running a small business requires resilience, as it's not a venture for the faint of heart. Many days, I feel like I am not cut out for it! Amidst the challenges, there are also rewarding moments. Each day brings a blend of the familiar and the novel, and as a business owner, it's important to establish clear boundaries. Working for myself tempts me to succumb to negative self-talk, sometimes pushing me towards an unattainable ideal of perfection and, as a result, is something that requires conscious effort. Just as we compare ourselves to other people, as a small business owner, I am mindful not to compare Aristelle to other businesses. It is sometimes my biggest challenge to remind myself that I am enough, I am doing enough, and Aristelle is enough. Side note: six months after taking over the business, the pandemic struck, forcing me to close down for nearly four months. This was terrifying! However, it allowed me to connect with my audience and establish Aristelle as more than just a store that sells bras. During the pandemic, I learned the value of establishing, connecting, and nurturing a community that would remain loyal in the face of tremendous competition (i.e., Amazon, Target, etc.). Countless diverse challenges are involved in running a small business, making it impossible to list them all succinctly. Suffice it to say, I am constantly kept on my toes. Equally, there are countless rewards. Being a builder, creating a brand, and establishing a business brings me immense satisfaction, fulfillment, and a strong sense of purpose - something we all strive for. This sense of purpose leads to contentment, which is a value I hold dear. But ask me how many times I've thought about throwing in the towel – then give me a day, and I'll sing a different tune. And so it goes…
We'll get into this more at our event, but can you share a few words that have inspired you this year?
AT: I'll be 42 in a few months. I'm looking at myself through a new lens – literally. If I look back at images of myself from the first five years of Aristelle, I'm physically not that same person. I've updated my hair color and had my breast implants removed, leading to a shift in how I style my body and the clothing that I wear. This process feels like a reinvention, allowing me to embrace my age and the wisdom that accompanies it. In relation to this evening that I'm so excited to watch come to life, I see myself as a part of this journey towards self-love while also aiming to inspire others along the way. I need to give myself room to gracefully embrace the changes I encounter – even on the hard days, and there have been plenty. By being honest and vulnerable, I believe we can make certain experiences more relatable for those around us. While I may not be a flawless model of aging gracefully, my hope is to encourage women to embrace their authenticity and engage fully in life, no matter what form that may take. My advice is simple: no matter how you feel now, remember that tomorrow is a new day. Believe in the power of a new day to realign your mindset. Get up for yourself, show up for yourself, and never give up on yourself. You have to have your own back, no matter your age or stage of life. Self-love is not selfish. Self-love is choosing what is right for you so that you can make decisions that honor your best and highest self, which allows you to show up for those you love. It's a journey, and it's work, but I’m worth it - and so are you.
IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS
Mary Beth and Tenaya share what the first thing they think of when it comes to self-love is and how they practice it in their own lives.
Mary Beth - There are times when my brain equates self-love with being selfish - I’m working on that. The older I get, the more I realize why it’s so important to show yourself compassion and kindness - how to change that little voice in my head. I forget where I read or heard it, but this stuck with me - think about the way you speak to yourself. Would you want your child to speak to themselves like that? I think of that often when I catch my internal self (or out loud self - my children often ask who I’m talking to) saying, “You’re a mess, Mare,” “You should have said this, Mare, c’mon,” or “Why would you do that Mare?” I do believe there are times when I need a little “get it together, Mare!” - it’s all about balance, right? Self-love for me means prioritizing activities or moments in my life that are just for me and that, in turn, make me a better mama, partner, consultant, and friend. My self-love practices have evolved over the years. Exercise is often a self-love practice of mine. Tough day at the office in my 20s and 30s - my self-love was a long run on the West Side Highway or over the BK Bridge. A good sweat is often the hug I need to clear my head and feel stronger in my sense of self. Now, in my 40s, my self-love practices still include exercise, but I also show more empathy and self-care to myself. The last few years of self-care for me is upholding personal boundaries (I say this as a recovering people pleaser - back to those mixed self-love feels selfish feelings I’m working on) with a side of manicures, a massage, or a really nurturing coffee or evening with friends.
Tenaya - For the last couple of years, I’ve been focused on giving space for reflection, doing therapy, and overall, doing the work to be a healthy, more rooted self. My intention for this year is to “release shame.” I carry a lot of it. When you haven’t processed the shame, as the years roll by, it can weigh heavy, making you prone to anger and grief. A lot of my shame stems from childhood and early adulthood when I didn’t have the skills to deflect or the wherewithal to understand that the toxic behavior directed towards me wasn’t mine. Today, therapy and loving my girls in ways that I needed as a child are my self-love. There are times when I’m running late, and my child is in tears, unable to be reasoned with; I find that by holding her, I not only ground her but me as well. It’s during these moments that I also envision embracing the “child me”, telling her she’s not too much and that she is lovable and worthy. When I do, I find that my entire body relaxes, and my daughter, too, is calmed more quickly.
I'm continually reminded that when my girls feel supported in ways they need, I’m helping them and myself develop emotional resilience. So, for 2025, here’s to setting self-love as the intention - may we all feel seen, loved, and held tightly. xo
